Yes, I watched “The Bachelor”.

Posted by & filed under Relationships, Social Networking, TV.

I don’t like reality shows for the most part.  I enjoy American Idol once the final 12 start performing because you hear *some* entertaining music.  But I don’t have time in my life to get involved in them.

Needless to say, “The Bachelor” is probably near the bottom of the rung when it comes to Reality TV for dudes.  Mushy “Rose Ceremonies” in exotic locations that mortals can’t reach are great for women’s dreams.  Its a romance novel on TV.  And you know what, I’m cool with that.  Its something they like.  They are allowed to have their fantasies as long as they don’t complain about my por…, er fantasies…..

So its Monday night, the Mrs. is clipping her coupons and she makes sure to watch “The Bachelor” when its on.  I’m sitting 6′ 4″ away in the other chair with my laptop surfing the net doing my social networking thing and I convert the show to white noise while I’m twittering away about photography to someone.  Its a fairly normal Monday.

But not this Monday.   “Honey, tonight is the last night and you won’t have to put up with ‘The Bachelor’ for a while.”  I replied “Yea, like 4 weeks”.  It was the “After the Final Rose Ceremony” night.  Three straight hours of mega mush, crying, frolicking in New Zealand and some really nerdy emcee saying “the most emotional rose ceremony every”.  Gag me with a pitch fork.  Three hours?  You have to be kidding me.

I manage to kill the 1st two hours by spamming my Twitter fans as I experimented with a Twitter chat of budding and experienced photographers for a blog site (Thats btw).  The show is to a point where the dude, Jason has dumped the woman who is probably really in love with him, Molly in favor the other woman, Melissa for whatever reason possessed him.

The third hour was dedicated to how things are going between the couple after six weeks.

My wife, and I love her dearly, was nice and realized how much torture this show was handed me the remote and went upstairs to watch the last hour from the bedroom.  This is where it gets embarrassing.

I didn’t change the channel.

I had the remote.  I had the power.  I even shut the computer down.  I watched the last hour on purpose.

Perhaps it wasn’t as much as on purpose as much as the show running as background noise had gelled my brains so the aliens can scoop them out easier with a melon baller.

I had 52″ of wide screen high def Jason with the nerdy emcee blasting me.

Six weeks had elapsed since the final rose ceremony where Jason proposed to Melissa after telling Molly to bugger off because she was 2nd place and well 2nd place as we all know is the 1st looser.

Now of course, this is all taped and the exec’s at ABC along with the nerdy emcee had time to write their promo scripts taunting you with “This show is so emotional out of respect to the participants we chose to film it without a studio audience” so it was obvious something was up.  Of course ABC has to keep mixing things up or the show will become boring (oh what, it is boring.)

Well Jason tells nerdy emcee in the couples six weeks of one-on-one time “Dude, something changed.  I messed up and picked the wrong one.  Its not working out with me and Melissa.  I want to press CTRL-ALT-DELETE and get a do-over.”  Nerdy emcee is eating this up realizing that their ratings are popping through the roof.  (BTW:  The hashtag for our twitter chat was trending higher than the hashtag for the Bachelor for the night!  Take that Nielsen ratings!!!!).

They bring Melissa out and Jason drops the bomb.  “I don’t like you I like the other one and you can go take a joy ride in the limo”.  Supposedly the couple had discussed this over the past six weeks and she should realize things are not working.  Well Melissa seems to have forgotten that and this is all news to her.  She rips Jason a new one and goes for her joy ride.


So this is where I have to start getting “involved” with this.  Men have a bad enough reputation with women over commitment.  They know men have trouble committing and here on their grandest stage, Jason didn’t let them down.  He made us ALL look like chumps.   I was shocked.  I shouldn’t have been, we didn’t earn that bad rap without reason, but for ABC to parade that was just wrong.

Then they (predictably) brought Molly out where she sat on the couch listening to the story.  This dude breaks up with his bride to be on national television and a matter of minutes later, he’s telling the women he told to bugger off that he just dumped his choice and wants his do-over with her.  Molly of course has a skeptical “WTF” look on her face.  She looks like she’s about to slap the cooties out of him realizing his level of scumbagness for this move.

Jason then says he wants to hook up with Molly and she pretty much jumps him on set.


So now Molly has done to women what Jason just did to all the men.  If guy dumps you for another woman then he comes back crawling and in a half-assed “I’m sorry” she’s all forgiving.  Molly, he dumped you six weeks ago.  You haven’t talked to him or seen him other than watching the TV episodes and in less that 10 minutes you’ve forgiven him and acting like nothing ever happened.  What if he changes his mind and wants to go back to Looser #2 or #3 or some other woman who passes through his life?

This show has to be the worst for male-female relationships.

Oh, the real last hour of the season is on now.  Its another six weeks later.  Who knows were we will be after tonight?

And he needs to turn in his man card for crying on national television!!!  (Thanks to Sherz for that one!)

One Response to “Yes, I watched “The Bachelor”.”

  1. GinnySkal

    Your post is hilarious! This is almost the exact same scene that played out at my house during the Bachelor Season Finale. @mammalpants had to suffer through three hours of it and was on Twitter the whole time. Then when the After the Rose ceremony came on, he actually started watching it. I’ll spare you my rant on how much of a douche I think Jason is for dumping Melissa on TV and then asking Molly back out and then Molly holding his hand 5 minutes later. WTF is right!

    I like your blog, BTW. You’re a good writer.

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